This is a guest post by Lily Lou, as featured in the July 2024 XBiz Issue.
When it comes to dick pics, “good” is naturally in the eye of the beholder. With my rating scale, however, I’m able to streamline the process to make sure they know my criteria and what to expect. I make sure to remind them to send only one or two photos; if they want me to go through more than that, I charge extra. Most importantly, I find out what type of rating they are looking for. I offer three specific types:
Type 1: Worship
For those seeking unabashed praise and validation, I carefully inspect every inch of their cock in the photo or video and tell them why I think it’s perfect. Perfect length, perfect girth — no matter how I actually feel about it, I tell them precisely what they want to hear about their package. I tell them that everything about their cock is exactly what I want, I tell them what I would do with it, and I get very thorough about why it “turns me on.”
Type 2: Honesty
While some may crave adoration, others want to know how I really feel, so I let them have it. Whether it’s big and thick like I want it, or a little too short, well-maintained or poorly groomed, I don’t hold back on telling the truth. I home in on three to four specific traits, give them numbered ratings and score the dick pic with the overall average. I tell them what it’s best for and how close it is to my ideal. This is what most of my subscribers want, and depending on pricing, I’m not afraid to go into detail. For example, I might offer, “Length: 6 (average), Girth: 8 (thick like I like it), Grooming: 5 (a little too bushy for me, I like it more trimmed). Overall Score: 6.”
Type 3: Small Penis Humiliation
When someone wants me to go into detail about just how small and gross their dick is, I’m happy to express how disgusted I am by it. Tiny, weak, gross little cocks that need to be put in their place are judged harshly with the SPH option, and those who want to be humiliated aren’t disappointed. I’ll tell them exactly why I want nothing to do with it and why they should be embarrassed for even sending it to me. Even if their pic actually has traits that I like, I skip over those and exaggerate just how much I hate everything about it.
Most commonly, I do one-minute honest dick pic rating videos for subscription sites, but I can also rate a dick pic via text, depending on pricing. No matter which option fans choose, though, I always make sure to thank them for their submission, and seal my rating with a kiss.
Now, the Specifics
When rating a dick pic, length and girth always come first. Details like skin tone, curve, circumcision scar or foreskin length, proportion between head and shaft, and testicles comprise the overall aesthetic criteria, and these let me get creative with how I rate dick pics. Beyond that, I look at overall grooming and pubic hair, and finally their photography skills. After all, how can I rate it if I can’t see it? At the end of every rating, I always tell them what I want to do with it, and in what position.
This is the fool-proof system I use to rate dick pics for subscription sites, but it’s also an easy way to interact with dick pics in general, whether or not you are a creator. This rating system has worked flawlessly on all of my platforms for the last seven years. It is well-tested, efficient and lets me be consistent with my ratings so when someone submits, they know what they can expect. What they don’t expect is how it feels to get rated by the best.
Lily Lou is an award-winning performer and artist. Find her here at apclips.com/lilylou.
